Who am I, and why did I create this website?  I am a 57 year old woman who has suffered from anxiety all of my life.  I had my first full-blown panic attack when I was 16 years old.  Since then, until the past few years, my life had been a living hell.  I thought I would share my story with other panic attack sufferers in the hope that it will be an inspiration to some.  I have also listed links to some resource sites and panic disorder support groups.  Keep checking back because I will add more good ones as I find them.  Also, if you know of any groups or useful web pages, feel free to send me the links.

One more important note.  Regardless of any programs, books or advice you might read about on this site, ALWAYS check with your doctor before starting any program or taking advice.

My Story

I think everyone remembers the day they had their first panic attack.  Mine happened just after I got my driver’s license.  I was 16 years old and had just borrowed my sister’s MG sports car.  It was my “solo”.  The MG was a standard transmission.  Our neighbor had taken me out a few times to practice, so I felt pretty confident.  Big mistake!  I was fine until I had to stop for a red light on a hill.  I hadn’t mastered the art of balancing the clutch and gas yet so the car began to roll backwards.  Suddenly I experienced the most terrifying sensation.  I didn’t feel “real”.  My legs turned to jelly and I began to shake all over.  When my heart started pounding out of my chest I thought I was going to die right there.  I began crying hysterically.  I don’t know how I got the car off the road to the curb but somehow I did.  Then I tried to calm myself enough to drive home.  Fortunately I didn’t have far to go.  I cried and cried all the way home.

When I got home I tried to explain the ordeal to my family but they just dismissed it.  I was always the “worrier” and “hypochondriac” in the family so no one took my fears or concerns seriously.  Sadly, this was a pattern that continued all my life.  My parents and sisters were never supportive and often could be mean and insensitive.   I was considered a “loser” and “lazy” because I didn’t work after quitting school.  I quit school because of my panic disorder and I didn’t work because of it.  But they never understood.  It was just an “excuse”.  I spent most of my nights crying and trying to figure out what was wrong with me.  Why was I different from everyone else?  I felt so alone.  At that time you never heard of panic attacks or agoraphobia.  I figured the only way to make my life livable at home was to try and work.  But how does one attend interviews when they are terrified of having an episode?  I made myself sick with worry but I had to try and find a way.

To be continued…..